I now realize just how long I've been running away from my life, how long I've been deciding not to try, not to care. To merely sit back, hope and pray for all of my troubles to merely be obliterated in veil of blinding, divine light.
All of it, every moment of my life.
I've failed to see how little I have allowed my self to experiance, how very unhappy I have forced myself to become.
Now I do, now I see. My eyes are wide open. I am not a beautiful and unique snowflake, and my troubles will only be quelled with my effort, and mine alone.
Of course, this must sound ever so absurd, to most. These are the facts of life, the all encompassing reality of existence. Knowledge so common, so understood by all, that it need never be said. But for me, who has been living in a self produced world of fantasticism and superstition, its rather awe inspiring.
This is my fault, but it is not my curse, nor is it my plague(^_^), my burden, my stigma, ect. ect. No more romantic labels.
I refuse to feel ashamed. It's all in the past, now. Regret will solve nothing, and "what if's" and "if only's" only serve to drag me down into depression and despair. They are nothing but a crutch, and angst is ever so unattractive.
All that matters now, is where I go from here. I want to change, and in some small ways, I already am. I will mature, I will understand, and I will not stop.
I will wake up. I want to, and I need to.
My life needs to be rebuilt, from the ground up. Every facet of my life, and that's the truth, not some overly dramatic rant. I understand what I have done wrong, and that is invaluable.
With enough work, I know I can find a place for myself. A place where I'm by happy, a place I can be content. Where I can finally be who I want to be.
And I will.
PRETTY PICTURE!
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Anything...
Well, I hope everyone (both of you) reading this had a half way decent Thanksgiving.
I've never cared for the "holiday", be it the food I dislike, the family I'm forced to converse with, or the hypocritical celebration of peace and thanks, atop the senseless slaughter of indigenes peoples.
They didn't even eat turkey, for bloody hells sake. Honestly, America sickens me, I'm moving to Japan... Or Norway.
Ok, on the "lighter" side of things, I rented two films last week, and both in all manner of shock, exceeded my expectations on every level. Sure, I'm not one to set conscious expectations, but the point is valid.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and There Will Be Blood. Both are absolutely expectational and amazingly enough, throughly original. Easily two of the greatest films I have ever seen.
While on the subject of movies, I picked up The Studio Madhouse film: The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, which turned out to be a throughly enjoyable film, and deserving of the mass amounts of praise and attention it currently seems to be garnering.
Well, thats enough for now. Meh...
I'm often drawn to J-Pop lyrics(and the "genre" itself) due to their melodramatic, often forcefully direct imagery and emotion. Couple them with singers who exude a heartbreakingly frail sincerity through soft, whisper like verses and I'm just swimming in the energy and mood that these songs tend to radiate.
Fanboy? Nah...
So without further delay, I present the lyrics to one of my favorite J-Pop ballads, perhaps you'll begin to grasp what I'm referring to.
Selenite - By Rurutia
Ah, wavering torch light in a city of rubble.
The resounding, transparent music echoes my wish.
Now, the burning sky that had fallen has sunk to the bottom of the water
...the full moon shines
Ah...
The night, burning blue colors you.
Even as I tightly embrace those oh-so-frail shoulders
I feel as though you'll vanish.
Ah, the countless grains of stars at the far reaches of the universe.
I found it, I even felt dizzy at our first meeting.
Swallowed up by the gold and silver wave of light raining down.
...we two make our way to the sacred river.
Ah...
With each sweet surge, it makes my heart tremble.
I always want to hold you like this forever.
So that you'll never vanish.
Swallowed up by the gold silver wave of light raining down.
...we two make our way to that sacred river.
Ah...
The night, burning blue colors you.
Even as I tightly embrace those oh-so-frail shoulders.
...I feel as though you'll vanish.
With each sweet surge...
...it makes my heart tremble.
I always want to hold you like this forever.
So that you'll never vanish.
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Its 4:49, I've been sitting in front of of this screen three hours longer than I planned, and I'm wearing a frightfully denim "shirt", in order to keep warm. I'll say its more or less worth it, seeing as I'm paying $179.00 a month on a budget plan after I racked up a $400.00+ bill four months in a row, last winter.
I hate denim in anything other than jeans, and even then I prefer khakis.
I'm not sure where I was going with this, as one of my many health conditions has rendered me dizzy, and thus has sapped my creative energy, as it were. So heres another pretty picture also found at
http://www.minitokyo.net/
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Hello all(eh?), this is Down That River. My life has become quite odd and perplexing, in the past six years, even more so in the three most recent of those years. This blog has come into existence to hopefully give me an outlet for my frustrations/constructive time killer.
In the future, I plan to be posting reviews on a variety of different venues, such as Anime, Manga, live action film, traditionl literature, music, web sites, ect. ect. As well as whatever I feel I need to press upon the masses...
Well, granted, I certainly don't have any readers at this point, but I like to think I'll stick with this bloody thing long enough to start making posts of interest to point at in the company of friends.
I'm an optimist.
Until then, I'll post pretty, pretty pictures. OK? Lovely.
First, a beautiful wallpaper I stumbled upon while browsing about http://www.minitokyo.net/. I'm afraid I haven't any idea as to the name of the original artist, or the creator of the Wallpaper, but I know it can be found in the section that features art unrelated to any franchise.
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