Light of the Eyelid.

I now realize just how long I've been running away from my life, how long I've been deciding not to try, not to care. To merely sit back, hope and pray for all of my troubles to merely be obliterated in veil of blinding, divine light.

All of it, every moment of my life.

I've failed to see how little I have allowed my self to experiance, how very unhappy I have forced myself to become.

Now I do, now I see. My eyes are wide open. I am not a beautiful and unique snowflake, and my troubles will only be quelled with my effort, and mine alone.

Of course, this must sound ever so absurd, to most. These are the facts of life, the all encompassing reality of existence. Knowledge so common, so understood by all, that it need never be said. But for me, who has been living in a self produced world of fantasticism and superstition, its rather awe inspiring.

This is my fault, but it is not my curse, nor is it my plague(^_^), my burden, my stigma, ect. ect. No more romantic labels.

I refuse to feel ashamed. It's all in the past, now. Regret will solve nothing, and "what if's" and "if only's" only serve to drag me down into depression and despair. They are nothing but a crutch, and angst is ever so unattractive.

All that matters now, is where I go from here. I want to change, and in some small ways, I already am. I will mature, I will understand, and I will not stop.

I will wake up. I want to, and I need to.

My life needs to be rebuilt, from the ground up. Every facet of my life, and that's the truth, not some overly dramatic rant. I understand what I have done wrong, and that is invaluable.

With enough work, I know I can find a place for myself. A place where I'm by happy, a place I can be content. Where I can finally be who I want to be.

And I will.

PRETTY PICTURE!